We have been fighting for ages, my mortal enemy and I. Some may say I am a bit overdramatic, but we have been going at it for literally a year and a half and he has always been a few steps ahead of me. Avoiding my traps, dodging my every attempt on his life. I feel I have tried everything to get the drop on him and still, I have not been able to get him. It has come to a point where my friends and family are sick of hearing about my war, but I can barely think of anything else. My co-workers have started calling me Trapper John, as a joke, and even my wife thinks this has gone too far. I was trying to explain to her how important this is to me, and she looked me in the eyes, very seriously, and said “John, it’s just a mouse. Maybe if we leave him alone, this all won’t be a problem?”.
Just a mouse! She has no idea what damage a mouse can cause. Let alone a pack of mice if it starts breading. We could have a proper infestation on our hands if we don’t manage to solve this rodent problem. This one little animal has already ruined enough of my life. He needs to be stopped.
It all started with a few droppings in a closet, which I could have accepted if that was all. But from there it escalated, very quickly. I remember it was a Tuesday when a trash bag ripped open on me, as I was taking it to the bin in the driveway. After inspecting the bag, it was evident that something had been gnawing holes in the bag, which compromised the integrity of the thin plastic, eventually leading to the catastrophic failure, leaving trash all over the driveway. After that it happened almost daily, and we soon learned to wrap the trash bags in an extra bag every time we took out the trash.
A few days after the first incident I found a hole in the bottom of a box of cereal in the kitchen cupboard. Of course, cereal spilled everywhere, but the worst part was, that now everything in the kitchen had to be carefully inspected before use. All our food had to be considered compromised by the rodent. I started setting traps around the house, in cupboards, in corners, under the bed, in the garage. Pretty much everywhere and anywhere the little critter might pass by. But he wasn’t that stupid. No matter what I loaded the traps with, he ignored them, and went straight for the food in the kitchen.
The battle escalated to a war on the day when I found that two full boxes of chocolate-chipped cookies had been raided. There was nothing more than a few crumbs left of my delicious snacks. I expanded my trap coverage to also include places like under the couch, the shoe rack and behind the books in the bookcase. Unfortunately, my enemy also expanded his activities, and we soon started noticing bitemarks in places where there would be no chance for him to find food. One day it was a book where an entire corner was ripped to confetti, the next day t-shirt in the closet would have large holes that were never there before. One day we wanted to watch a DVD and the player wouldn’t turn on. Behind the TV-table we found that most of the wires were chewed to a point where they would be dangerous to use. The power cord for the DVD player had been bitten in half.
The war went on for months back and forth. I set out more traps and even tried poison. He got more aggressive in what he destroyed. Books, furniture, electronics, water pipes. A while back I found his nest, behind a cabinet in the kitchen. One of the panels on the wall was slightly loose and inside the wall was his little fortress. He had it good in there, with a bed of ripped paper and old socks. A stockpile of food to last a lifetime for him and 800 of his closest friends. I, of course, took everything. Threw the whole pile in the bin outside and spread poison in the hole where he lived. Then I closed it back up, to give him some peace and quiet to come back home. It didn’t work. He still kept terrorising me in my own home. If anything, I only made him more aggressive. Today is a Sunday. I have made a proper brunch for my wife and myself. We are sitting in silence enjoying the quiet morning. The coffee is hot and strong, the bacon crisp and the sun peaking through the window, bathing my beautiful wife in a yellowish glow. A loud snapping sound is heard from the kitchen. One of the traps must have been set off. We both freeze for a second. Then we look each other in the eyes. She smiles, as I relax my shoulders for the first time in over a year.